Sue's Musings

Where do you see yourself:

Undifferentiated:
1. Accommodates, pleases, or acts to take care of the other’s pain (gives in)
2. Focuses outside of self (on feelings of others, not self)
3. Connects emotionally (reacts to anything that might disrupt a relationship)
4. Sets vague, nebulous goals (changes with mood, events, etc.)
5. Seeks security (tries not to upset anyone)

Differentiated:
1. Takes a stand (based on values – defines self to others without attacking others)
2. Focuses on self (self-aware, sees how self contributes to situations)
3. Stays connected to others (without getting enmeshed with others)
4. Sets clear goals (not sabotaged by other’s reactivity)
5. Seeks challenge (knows that tension stretches a person’s growth and imagination)
(Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times, pg. 29-30)